Rhythm in the Life of a New Family
This topic is massive. At the Micha-el Institute in Portland, rhythm was the focus of an entire year’s worth of curriculum for both grades and early childhood tracks. Reflecting on the name of our school, HeartSong, rhythm is essential to both words. In fact, it is the foundation of what we are doing in our programming.
For the purpose of this article I will define Rhythm as the steady, continuous, predictable nature of life that makes things happen without our effort or thought.
In the physical body, rhythm is associated with the heart and lungs. Two systems we think very little about unless we are having problems with them, or we are in a quiet place to focus our energy on a system that works tirelessly throughout our lives without much thought or variance.
The heart is also seen as the seat of our emotional center. It is the place of love. Modern science has discovered that there are cells of consciousness in the heart that are similar to neurons in the brain. Fruther, in the developing embrio, the heart is the first organ to form. In this way, the heart and rhythmic systems are essential to laying the strongest foundation for mental, emotional and physical health of your children into adulthood. Rhythm in our daily, weekly, monthly and yearly lives allows our emotional systems to regulate correctly.
These are great concepts for adults to think about, however for children, there is no need, and in fact it is detrimental to bring consciousness to their heart and rhythmic systems before the age of nine. And largely unnecessary until the later teen years.
Rhythm is inherent to life on this planet. The year’ rhythm is set by the seasons, the sun’s movement through the sky—the in breath and rest of winter, and the out breath and exertion of summer. The monthly rhythm can be seen in women’s bodies through menstruation and in the moon. The waxing and waning of light and energy encourages us to set chunks of time for rest and relaxation in a monthly cycle. Weekly, we have biblical references to sabbath and the lived reality of a two day weekend as a resting period from work. Daily we have the circadian rhythms of morning, the day time, the evening and the night time. These rhythms are mostly set in nature and thus inform us of the physiological needs of human beings.
How does this apply to the beginnings of the formation of a family through birth, postpartum, and the cycle of the first year a child will experience? How does it continue to inform the life of the family and thus the child as they set out in the first seven year cycle to build their physical body and the foundation of their subconscious for their lives?
Rhythm in Postpartum
In the immediate postpartum it is clear that the circadian rhythms of the child, the breathing and the heartbeat are profoundly different than that of an adult. In fact, the newborn is dependent on their mother to form a correct pattern of heartbeat, temperature and breathing. Thus, the proper life rhythm for the first weeks is that of restful connection. This is the foundation of the rhythmic system through which all growth and life may occur. The physiologic requirement for the life and health of both the recovering mother and the newly born child is one of rest and deep connection.
The rhythm of life here is centered around supporting the mother. The mother requires all food and cleaning be taken care of for the first 1-3 months of of the life of an infant. This requirement makes it so that the mother can spend the first month to month and a half focused on rest, warmth, comfort and bonding. This is a mental, physical, spiritual and emotional requirement for the foundation of health for the entire family including the father and any siblings. However, it is most essential for the mother and newborn.
For this kind of rhythm to be possible, a community effort is required. In the past, mothers and aunties and sisters would come to give the mother time to rest and support the family while she integrated the birth and bonded with the child. However now it is mealtrains, cleaning services and other support systems that can make this a reality for the family.
The lived rhythm of mother and child in these early days is an around the clock eat, excrete, activity, rest. These take place in three to four hour cycles. During this time, all food and beverage needs must be provided by other human beings to the mother. This is so that nourishment may be provided from the mother to the child. Emotional, physical and psychological safety are paramount. As an Innate Postpartum Care provider, this is something I go deeper into in my Innate Traditions: Planning for the Fourth Trimester classes.
I think about the rhythm of life at this time being around the clock waking, observing, eating, excreting, resting. For this rhythm to happen, the mother and child are required to stay in one place. This will allow a gentil integration of earthly arrival for both the mother and child. The rest of the family life continues at a softer pace, with there always being at least one person (not the mother or child) attending to the new life in the home. You can deeply feel the breath-like nature of this rhythm: Wake(out), nurse (in), poop (out), play (out), nurse(in), sleep (in) repeat.
Rhythm in Months One to Three–
As the mother’s uterus returns to its pre pregnancy size and her ligaments begin to heal, this is a time for therapeutic intervention to help bring the mother back into her body in an optimal way. Massage, acupuncture may start at month one, with physical therapy and chiropractic beginning after six or more weeks.
Here the rhythm of life begins to stretch out. Each element of the cycle of sleep and rest are getting longer. The around-the-clock nursing/feeding is still present with a real possibility that by three months, six hours of rest at night is possible. Through to this point, waking multiple times in the night is part of the expected rhythm. “Rest while your baby is resting” is an old and very true adage. Admittedly, in modern times, it is easier said than done. I really encourage parents to think of these first three months as a window. It will open and close very quickly and if we orient correctly to it, we can be nourished alongside the dreamy reality of the new life that is in our home.
If we are trying to impose the rhythm that is the modern requirement of an adult in a technological and capitalistic society, we are going to suffer greatly and so will our children. The mother will not heal as quickly and may experience physical repercussions such as prolapse and/or emotional repercussions such as depression, anxiety and even psychosis due to the unnatural rhythm being applied in this tender time. The impacts on the child can be felt throughout their lives.
The bonding and emotional connection at this time is as essential as making sure the mother or primary caregiver to the child has time to herself to recuperate and orient. For some that is as simple as a daily bath while the baby is in the arms of a loving caregiver. For others it is a gentle stroll outside. In this three month window, the mother’s care should be at the center of the family's priority. In order for this to be real, it has to be an extended family and/or community effort.
Also central to the rhythmic life of the child at this time is space to move and explore the world and their body. During the lengthening time of awake, the children need to have time and space to lay and roll and exercise their bodies. Do not introduce unnecessary noise or stimulation to a child during this time. Let them soak in the natural sounds and feelings and items in your life and home.
Maria Gerber, creator of RIE suggests, “take the mobile off the bed, take care of their needs and leave them alone.” This is to build a reality in which your babies are in the center of life. They have space to lie and dream and move independently while parents are also doing the work of tending life in the home. In this orientation to their natural rhythms, the taking care of their needs becomes the time that the parents can imbue the child with a deep sense of love, connection and wellbeing. Changing a diaper, putting on clothes, feeding times. When the adult comes into these moments with their full love and attention, the child feels fulfilled, connected and content. They are refueled by this and able to return to their “play” without much intervention required by the parent.
There is good reason to not sit or “walk” your child or hold them in these positions unnaturally at any time in the first year. Their bones, muscles, digestive systems, and rhythmic systems are all developing together. Each element requires the physicality of their own state. Putting them in unnatural sitting and walking positions before their bodies can actually do those things can be detrimental to their development. The studies and work around the RIE and Pilkner methods can go into deeper detail around this.
This is essential to understanding rhythm as we have defined it, “ as the steady, continuous, predictable nature of life that makes things happen without our effort or thought.” Undoubtedly, the baby has their own natural rhythm of life and development. Just as the seasons can change on their own, so can the developing child come, of their own accord, to each of the developmental milestones of human life. In fact, they will only benefit from this beginning of self directed learning.
“The learning process will play a major role in the whole later life of the human being. Through this kind of development, the infant learns his ability to do something independently, through patient and persistent effort. While learning during motor development to turn on his belly, to roll, to creep, sit, stand, and walk, he is not only learning those movements, but also *how to learn*. He learns to do something on his own, to be interested, to try out, to experiment. He learns to overcome difficulties. He comes to know the joy and satisfaction that is derived from his success, the result of his patience and persistence.” – Dr. Emmi Pikler, Peaceful Babies – Contented Mothers
Thank you to the following people and organizations for their inspiration for this article:
Rachelle Garcia-Seliga and Innate Traditions
Janet Lansberry and Janet's Website
The Micha-el Institute Michael Institute